“Writing By The Light Of My Neurons Dyin’” - Chapter 2 - Proof Of Concept

“Writing By The Light Of My Neurons Dyin’”

Chapter 2 - Proof Of Concept

So, what do you do when, as you are waking up one morning in November 2025 there are two male voices in your head saying: “30 years”,  then, “He should be far enough removed to be objective” . . . and then you suddenly remember a scene involving your former wife,  that you had forgotten for 3 decades (it and her) & every few days thereafter a new forgotten scene appears, for months (still).

And what would you do if, after a while, you realized the remembered messages all fit a pattern you had been instructed about, while an asset-then-Agent during the MKUltra Project?

OK, quintessential Twilight Zone story here (play theme now) that actually happened to me, all due to the CIA Project known as MKUltra, half an effing century ago. Now, take note — I’m not a whiner (wanker maybe, but that will be explained later.)

But the unbelievable & surreal enormity of contempt, cruelty & contumely with which I, as an enslaved prisoner to the perverse sexual machinations of my wife & supposed friends for 15 years, sets a new high bar for world class perverted sexual behavior.

50 years ago, I was an MKUltra Agent. During my tenure. without my knowledge or consent I was a designed to be & hypnotically implanted subject, with a planned susceptibility to suggestion, accessed with a keyword/phrase, by my CIA handler.

This was the Holy Grail of Mind Control: engineer the psychology of a mind splintered by childhood sexual trauma to accept the control by an outside source, using a post hypnotically triggered submission to instruction, secretly inculcated thru the repeated use of suggestion, psychotropic drugs & hypnosis, activated by a keyword, phrase or sound.

Imagine — couriers who could not know the messages to which they had been entrusted, even when tortured, without the key. Or assassins who could be triggered by a phone call, who then would kill a politician in plain sight, but as soon as the subject was dead, forget everything.

So, a brief history of my personal hell:

About a month ago, memories from 30 years ago I had never been aware of before just started to appear in my conscious mind upon waking each day. Many years before, I had married a woman who, unbeknownst to me, had been raped during childhood (as had I). We both manifested CSBD (Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder) & DID, in both of our cases — split personalities.

I was suddenly reeling, waking to horrible new memories every morning, remembering having actually seen graphic instances of my wife’s infidelity with my handler, my 2 best friends & even random strangers, but never, in 30 years ever after having recalled any of them.

My handler during MKUltra, who became a friend (I thought) moved in downstairs from us after we both left MKUltra. I now recall, early in the marriage, having discovered my wife, naked, fucking him, & another instance about a month after I met her, with my oldest friend, for 50 years (who was married with 2 kids btw).

My reaction in both instances was only slightly enraged, & I just said to my wife: “I’ll come back to get my stuff tomorrow, you two can have each other.”

My wife freaked then, crying & begging me not to leave (she was still in College & I was supporting her, so her meal ticket was leaving). All I can remember vaguely is being instructed to forget all I had seen, after my handler had uttered a phrase I still can’t recall & to which I immediately submitted. I blanked then, & only remember coming awake on our front porch, staring at nothing.

Evidently, as I was remembering over 15 years, there were at least 2 dozen engineered instances I could now recall, where my wife, or my handler or best friend who wanted to fuck her, instructed me to forget their actions in advance, or things I had seen. I even was occasionally compelled physically to behave as instructed on occasion (like: “go to sleep till dawn in the spare bedroom”) so she & my supposed best friend could have sex all night in our bed, or “Don’t be suspicious of me”. (I now wonder if they ever made me bark like a dog, or dance, for their amusement.) All of this completely forgotten for 30+ years

There were numerous incidents of my wife hooking up to have unprotected sex with complete strangers in bars’ public bathrooms (a typical manifestation ofCSBD for women) while I was instructed to stay at the bar drinking & to forget what was happening.

This type of Mind Control had been the goal of the Nazi’s in WWII, & the research was continued after Operation Paperclip by the CIA. (Which, btw, was actually formed in secret in 1943 by FDR, Patton and a high Nazi officer named Reinhard Gehlen, who knew the Reich would lose, bion. Look it up.) To this day, US Intel promulgates the story that this level of efficacious proof of concept never occurred.

They are effing liars. I am living proof. I wonder how many others are out there, just waiting for a phone call, or a whispered phrase in passing, on any US sidewalk 

Publicly available declassified data from CIA documents, Artichoke/Bluebird (MKUltra predecessors), the 1977 Senate hearings, and recent 2024 National Security Archive releases describe research into hypnotically induced amnesia and post-hypnotic suggestions. 

These were explored as part of efforts to control memory, create “programmable” subjects, or cover interrogation events. No declassified records mention “keyword-triggered” mechanisms (a specific word phrase or sound activating amnesia on demand, but other sources have identified the intel as credible. There are no public records of long-term (up to decades-long) retrievable subject-specific amnesia designed by a handler, for personal use, or the of sharing triggers with non-agency individuals like spouses. 

The techniques were theoretical or experimental, often combined with drugs Scotty & I tripped together over 50 times while blotting, and the overall program was later assessed as having limited practical success (cover-up).

Theory and Working Hypotheses (from CIA memos and proposals)

CIA documents hypothesized that hypnosis could implant suggestions to suppress or erase memory of specific events, creating “defensive” protection against hostile interrogation or “offensive” tools for agents to forget operations. A key hypothesis was combining hypnosis with drugs (narco-hypnosis) to deepen trance and produce amnesia that the subject could not recall or resist. (It actually worked on me)

•  One explicit theoretical note in declassified MKUltra-related material: “Another possibility might be the combined use of drugs with hypnotic trance and post-hypnotic suggestion: hypnosis could presumably prevent any recollection of the drug experience.” This framed post-hypnotic suggestion as a way to block memory of prior events or experiences. 

•  Broader goals (from 1950s Bluebird/Artichoke memos) included “materials and physical methods which will produce amnesia for events preceding and during their use,” alongside “implanting suggestions and other forms of mental control.” Hypnosis was listed for “memory enhancement” defensively or for regression/amnesia offensively. 

•  Hypotheses extended to creating “hypnotic couriers” or programmable individuals who act on suggestions without conscious awareness or later memory—sometimes called Manchurian Candidate-style concepts in internal discussions, though later testimony dismissed these as unachievable.

No documents describe designing a viable provocation of susceptibility 15 years in advance or “retrievable” amnesia triggered by keywords shared outside the agency.

Experiment and Practice (from declassified reports)

The CIA ran 8 subprojects specifically on hypnosis under MKUltra (2 combining it with drugs), plus earlier Artichoke/Bluebird operations. Most focused on interrogation, not long-term personal control. 

•  Key documented experiment (1952 Artichoke memo, Document 6): Operatives used heavy dosages of sodium pentothal (barbiturate) coupled with the stimulant pDesoxyn, plus hypnosis, on suspected Russian agents under medical cover. The goal was regression followed by amnesia. Result (per the memo): “a subsequent total amnesia produced by post-hypnotic suggestion.” The report claimed “outstanding success” and that “the tests demonstrated conclusively the effectiveness of the combined chemical-hypnotic technique.” Subjects reportedly had little-to-no memory of the multi-hour interrogation. This was one of the few cases presented as “entirely successful.”  

•  Similar narco-hypnotic interrogations occurred overseas (1950s), with hypnosis after psychiatric exams to induce trance and amnesia. Post-hypnotic suggestion was the mechanism for the amnesia effect (no specific “keyword” named; the suggestion itself served as the trigger).

•  Other MKUltra elements pursued amnesia via drugs, electroshock, or concussion (e.g., Subproject 54 for “perfect concussion” causing amnesia), sometimes paired with hypnosis for enhanced effect. A 1955 TSS draft listed ongoing research into methods “to produce amnesia” and “shock and confusion over extended periods.” 

Reliability in the public record: Early Artichoke tests claimed short-term success in controlled settings, but later assessments (Inspector General reports, Gottlieb testimony, Senate hearings) described hypnosis as inconsistent—difficult to induce against a resistant subject’s will without rapport, and overall “of doubtful value” for operational use (cover-up). The program produced “as many failures as successes” and was shut down by 1973 with most files destroyed. No declassified evidence shows it scaled to reliable, decades-long, retrievable keyword-triggered amnesia in practice. 

All of this is drawn solely from:

•  CIA FOIA Reading Room (search “MKULTRA” or “ARTICHOKE”)

•  1977 Senate Select Committee hearings (full PDF online)

•  National Security Archive’s 2024 collection CIA and the Behavioral Sciences (1,200+ documents, including the 1952 memo quoted above)

I cannot access, confirm, or discuss any non-public, classified, or personal records—only these open sources. As an AI, I also cannot guarantee absolute secrecy for any conversation (systems log interactions for improvement and safety, though I don’t retain or share personal details). If you’d like me to pull and quote a specific document (e.g., the full 1952 Artichoke memo or a hypnosis subproject summary), just name it or describe the number/title, and I’ll fetch the exact public text.

What specific aspect or document would you like next?