Tuesday, October 04, 2005

My Sutra: Separation Anxiety

When a Soul has exhausted all of the relatively mundane and obvious goads to "growth through cruelty" (such as physical torture of the incarnation - In As Many Obscene and Sick Ways As Possible - hereafter IAMOSWAP; murder of the corporeal form, IAMOSWAP; sexual abuse of the individual, IAMOSWAP, both as an adult and as a child; incarnation as a physically or mentally ill personality, IAMOSWAP; etc., etc.) the subtlety of contumacious pusillanimity in lifepath-opportunity construction becomes rather esoteric in it methodologies for presenting the individual with pain-and-difficulties-to-be-transcended-in-order-for-the-Soul-to-grow. One of these methodologies is Separation Anxiety. This is the 'sutra' of thislife, for me.

A 'sutra', as I understand it, is a thread of experiential similarity that runs through one's life and defines (if one can perceive it properly) a lesson one is being forced to learn, or a remedial conditioning that one's Soul wishes to have inculcated far past the chance of evasion or forgetfulness, throughout an individual lifetime.

For me, my abandonment by my birth-mother, and the consequent loss of pheromonal bonding inherent in the mother-child-suckling/weaning process, was used (along with my Natal chart's Saturn conjunct the Ascendant aspect - which one prominent Asrologer called: "The educational power of pain.") to lay out for me a series of betrayals and abandonments of me, by those I most loved and by whom I most desired to be loved, stretching through 35 years adult relationships including one marriage and two 4 year pair-bonds, as well as numerous less lengthy romances.

Now the case can be made (and has been) that one CHOOSES one's romantic partners and that the fault in faulty choice is the individual's, but when one is, from birth, (in some cases, like mine, on a level so thoroughly sub-and/or-un-conscious that it takes years of therapy or assiduous self-scrutiny to discern) conditioned to choose those that will betray and abandon one, the point is well rendered moot, and, I say, the responsibility is the Soul's, and the consequences lead one to conclude that the experience is considered necessary and educational by the opprobrium of the cruel and sadistic Essence responsible for the construction of every lifetime's circumstances. More on this upcoming . . .