"I,I,Me,Me,Mine"

Whew, what a week. My current employer has imposed a
mandatory 5-12 hour day work schedule, and it is hard
for me to do anything but work, eat and sleep with
that kind of a work load, so let me apologise for
being so remiss in posting this missive, and
need to update it more often because, as the vehicle for the
publication of my autohagiography - as Uncle Al
(Crowley - probably not my actual Uncle - but I am one
of the three candidates considered by the cognoscenti
as perhaps being his reincarnation) called his own
autobigraphy regular updates are important so please don't be dismissive
if I seem to follow some epiphenomenochronoillogic
an, as always. watch out for my euphonic and alliteratively blovial which
becomes insufferably sententious at times
(as I shamelessly attempt to psychorhizotemize you between the
lines);{>

If you've gotten this far in following my scant semblance of sentience and wit,
it probably means that my spirit guides ( a couple of cherubim
who, over the years, have made it very difficult for
folk they disapprove of to get close to me - I don't
know why they bother, 'cause most of the people they
HAVE let in under the radar have not treated me well -
as an intuitive adept I find dishonesty of any sort to
be distressing to the point of distraction. I
frequently feel the need to calibrate my intuition,
and without clear data and absolutely honest feedback
from those I am in contact with, I am thrown into
paroxysms of self-doubt and reduced clarity of vision
- not so much anymore, but it sure caused me a lot of
pain in my youth . . . sigh) have allowed your
ongoing aquaintance with me and my musings to proceed.

Do anyone else feel the pull of the full moon? I always feel it!
It seems that the older one gets as an incarnate being
the more sensitive one becomes to things like 'gravity-wave-phenomenology'
(Astology), and the inclinations ("The stars do not
compell, they simply incline") of the planets are felt
more strongly for those of us with more lives lived
(about 257 previous incarnations for me this cycle -
my third)

As to the honorable intentions intrinsic to this site, mine are always so
- much to my chagrin at times. Once again, the older the
soul age, the more one becomes conscious of what, in this world,
is called Karma : the collective vector calculus sum of all one's previous
imbalancing/rebalancing endeavours, and the more you realize
that although you cannot change the way
other people act towards you, the more diligently
one tries to act towards others in an honorable
fashion, the greater the chances are of the sum of your
positive Karma returning to you at some point.

Having a 6th-12th house Nodal axis (a line drawn between
and through the moon's North and South Nodes, and extending
into the zodiacal plane in my Natal chart
this life (North Node in Pisces in my 6th) - a
position that indicates 'sacrifice through service',
it is apparent that my soul chose this incarnation to
pay off some of its Karmic debts incurred in previous
lifetimes . . . big sigh . . . hence my issues
with separation anxiety: I was given up by my birth
mother to be raised by my step-grandparents, who told
me that my birth mother was my older sister - an
unbelievably difficult situation fo an intuitive adept
such as myself - I always felt an undercurrent of
strong obfuscation and unfocused guilt in all family
dealings and gatherings, but never knew why until the
truth became clear - I always thought there was
something wrong with me; and my experience of always
being betrayed and abandoned by the women I loved as
my life progressed.

Nonetheless, allow me to assure you all that I am not all
that bitter - except towards my own soul - and I shall
deal with that when I get to the other side (and
believe me, my confrontation with my "puppetmaster"
will not be pretty). I still long for a lifelong union with
a good woman - physically, emotionally, spiritually
and place no qualifications on the evolution of that
process.

I have never had any problems with commitment to a
monogamous (or even a polyamourous - if that was a
mutual decision) relationship. The only problems I
have ever experienced in that regard have been from my
partners' inability to be honest with themselves about
who they were, and/or who and/or what they wanted, so
I always found myself committing to a behavioral set
that I adhered to with assiduous discipline, only to
discover that my partners seemed to have no such
compunction. Ah well, live and learn, I guess.

But one thing I did learn, and that was way back in the '70's,
was that "You become what you portray".
In those daze, I was better known as "Gandalf", but I
kept turning around whenever people would call
their dogs (mostly German Shepards - wonder what
J.R.R.T. would have made of that) because so many hippies had taken to
naming their canine companions after fictional wizards, and I finally
decided to combine my first name (John) with that
singular nickname (NOT self appelled, I assure you) - hence - Jondalf, aka: jywylyd@
yahoo.com.

May your feet tread light upon your path, - Jondalf